What NOT to say to a friend who has just ended a relationship

 

One of my very best friends just left a 3 year relationship (which started by ending a 10 year relationship before that), and she did so with knowledge that this person she was leaving had been cheating on her. Why had she stayed so long then if she had known?

Well, in short, she was afraid of being alone. I think the majority of us get to feeling like that from time to time, or like you don't feel you got enough bang for your buck so you stay in a relationship that isn’t good for you, or like you are “too old”, or “what would be the point?” etc etc

We've all been there and it's a scary place to be when you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

That being said, here is what I did NOT say to my friend:

Why would you break up with him/her?

You two were so cute together, I'm sure you can work it out.

Can't you just talk about it?

I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding, let him/her explain.

There are two sides to every story.

Maybe you're wrong about your suspicions.

Are you sure you're making the right decision?

No, no, no, no. NONE of those things are ok to say. First of all, you're looking at it from an outside perspective, what do you REALLY know about the situation? Secondly, think about it, would you want a friend to say those things to you after a break up? Prooooobaby not.

Sometimes we can't help it and this stuff just tumbles out of our mouths before we can even think about it. That's when you stop, back up, apologize and then ask your friend what you can do for them.

Do they want to talk about it? If not, wait until they are ready because forcing someone to discuss something, even if you mean well, just isn't right. Let them come to you when the time is right. Until then, plan some stuff together. Send them some cool songs that will cheer them up, maybe even links to positive and uplifting articles or book recommendations. Whatever you can do that is positive for them, do it. 

Help them as best you can, they are your friends and they would do the same thing for you.

I've added some links below to some of the daily 'pick me ups' i've sent to my friend as well :)

Music:
Ryn Weaver - Octahate
Of Monsters & Men - Hunger
Garbage - Vow

Videos:
Gala Darling - The Playgirls Guide to Radical Self Love
Gala Darling - Magic, Manifesting and Living the Life of Your Dreams
Veronica Varlow's October Horoscopes with Videos

all photographs are mine and copyright Jordana Zurita